I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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