I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
