I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
