so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
