I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
