I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
