I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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