Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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