I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
