dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
