You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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