I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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