Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
