i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
