You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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