So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
