I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
