Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
they're like a gay fantastic four
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
