I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
