I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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