i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
