butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
