pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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