You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
