It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
