found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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