There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
