I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have post one night stand depression
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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