I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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