Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Every concussion has its silver lining
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
