I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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