just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
