when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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