When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
