Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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