there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
