her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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