My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
