I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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