Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He shit in the fireplace
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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