god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
