Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
