So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
