I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
