drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
