You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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