I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize