she woke up with a sticky ear
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
