I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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