I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
