I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
