Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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