I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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