he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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