I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
