U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
