Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
