i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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