A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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