naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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