I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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