wanna go halves on a baby?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
