i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
