I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
