hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
