college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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