those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
His nipple licking is glorious
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