I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
