She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
